The Good Divorce – No. 7 Blame

“THE GOOD DIVORCE – 7”

Blame

Divorce is sometimes unavoidable.  Sometimes it will be devastating for one or both of the parties involved, but sometimes it is liberating.  In almost every case there will be very much emotion, stress and cost involved.  Even in amicable separations it is possible for the divorce process to sour relations and create conflict, rather than resolve conflict.

The question often posed is whether there is such a thing as “a good divorce?”  William Giles is a specialist family law Solicitor of 25 years’ experience.  He recognises that the process of divorce can be expensive, emotional and stressful.  It can be distressing and destabilising for both parents and children.

In this series of articles William provides advice and assistance as to ways to minimise conflict, promote solutions rather than focus on process and ways to minimise conflict.

Call us now for an initial discussion as to how you can reduce the conflict, stress and cost of divorce and seek to achieve a good divorce.

Blame

There are often allegations and counter-allegations between couples involved in a relationship breakdown.  They often want to blame each other for the issues that have arisen and led to the separation.

Focusing on who is to blame for the relationship breakdown is rarely beneficial to encouraging good future communication.

In most cases there is little benefit to trying to attribute responsibility to the breakdown of the relationship to one or other party.  In most cases it will be a combination of factors that has led to the relationship breakdown.  This may be because of significant incidents that have arisen, or just a drifting apart over a long period of time.

The best way to achieve a good divorce, to minimise contact and promote good communication, is to avoid blaming the other party and to take responsibility for one’s own role in the relationship breakdown.  Whilst this may not lead to the other party accepting their own responsibility, it facilitates the other party and it is likely to encourage the other party to try not to attribute blame and to take responsibility themselves.

The mediation and collaborative processes in particular are forward looking processes which recognise that a forensic examination of the issues that have arisen in the past are unlikely to lead to resolution of issues between a couple and good communication in the future.  The processes are therefore forward looking in a way that perhaps divorce proceedings are not.

William Giles is a Family Law Solicitor, Mediator and Collaborative Practitioner with Woollcombe Yonge Solicitors.  If you are contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce process and wish to have an initial free discussion with Will, please telephone on (01752) 827912.