‘The Good Divorce No. 8’

“The GOOD DIVORCE – 8”

Conflict

Divorce is sometimes unavoidable.  Sometimes it will be devastating for one or both of the parties involved, but sometimes it is liberating.  In almost every case there will be very much emotion, stress and cost involved.  Even in amicable separations it is possible for the divorce process to sour relations and create conflict, rather than resolve conflict.

The question often posed is whether there is such a thing as “a good divorce?”  William Giles is a specialist family law Solicitor of 25 years’ experience.  He recognises that the process of divorce can be expensive, emotional and stressful.  It can be distressing and destabilising for both parents and children.

In this series of articles William provides advice and assistance as to ways to minimise conflict, promote solutions rather than focus on process and ways to minimise conflict.

Call us now for an initial discussion as to how you can reduce the conflict, stress and cost of divorce and seek to achieve a good divorce.

Conflict

Separation and divorce obviously creates conflict.  Even when parties separate amicably conflict can arise later, for example due to changes in arrangements for the children which one party does not like.

Needless to say, it is best to try to reduce conflict and seek compromises.  The more conflict that arises the less likely it is the parents will be able to communicate in the long term, that due to financial proceedings will be able to resolve those issues without Court proceedings and the more likely it is that it will leave parties less well able to communicate in the long term.  This means that the conflict arising from the divorce and separation can be extended over many years.

This can lead to lifetime issues for the family in having to continually manage the long term conflict.

Further, it is often the case when one party perceives that the other has done wrong, that that party themselves will then behave in a way that may be inappropriate.  This is perhaps the concept if the other party can do wrong, I can do wrong.  However, in truth this is most likely to simply intensify and extend the conflict between you.

In order to achieve a good divorce it is crucial to try to reduce conflict, to not consider that two wrongs make a right and, even where the other party is doing wrong, to seek to rise above that.  After all if the matter ends up before a Judge wouldn’t you rather have the Judge think well of you and poorly of the other party as a result of your comparative behaviours?

Some parties sight the fact they have had an affair as being a symptom of the breakdown of the marriage rather than the cause of it.  However, an affair can of course create a sense of betrayal, anger and bitterness for the other party.  If you are in this situation you need to be empathetic to the other party’s feelings, in the same way that you might expect that party to be empathetic to yours.

William Giles is a Family Law Solicitor, Mediator and Collaborative Practitioner with Woollcombe Yonge Solicitors.  If you are contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce process and wish to have an initial free discussion with Will, please telephone on (01752) 827912.